Take My Ghosts Away from Me or How to Bear the Past that Others Remind Us Of

Think about the fact that if you are strong problems won’t weaken your relationship, but strengthen it; all you have to do is deal with them together.
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To start with you will certainly agree with me: We all make mistakes. All of us. After all, we’re only people.

I’m sure you’ll nod your head here, as well: We all pay for our mistakes. That’s right and normal. It teaches us to avoid repeating the mistakes.

However, is not normal if we spend our whole life paying for one mistake that we have already learned from.

Why am I writing about this? Because I’ve just had another meeting with you, dear readers. Maybe you’ll see yourself in the following story, even if your problem might not be the same.

Can you forgive me?

It’s a story of two unhappy people. She made a mistake and paid for it big. He wanted to find a way to forgive her despite the mistake. But he didn’t know how. His constant question was: How many men has she actually had? What if she hasn’t stopped? What if…?” – insert your own hypothesis. They’re all equally insidious.

If you read my books, you know how little I like condemning others. I first need to know the person’s WHOLE story, in order to understand it. I heard it here.

The woman had made a mistake once—she loved a man too much and sacrificed herself for him. Or rather, he sacrificed her. “Do you really love me?” he asked, and transferred his debts to her. Don’t judge her. If you’re governed solely by your heart in love, it’s like you’ve lost your senses.

Then, when he then left her, the debts remained with her, although she had had no idea about them and was unable to repay them. So that she didn’t destroy herself financially, she destroyed herself internally. She said yes to earning extra money that helped her to repay the debts, but in a way that men don’t forgive. When she wanted to start a normal relationship again, she didn’t know what to tell people when they asked: “Can you tell me a little about your past?”

She had two options. Keep silent and worry that they would find out; or admit it and worry whether he would forgive her for what was no longer part of her life—something she had already paid for in the past. When she picked the first option, she didn’t feel like herself. But when she picked the second option, the men’s replies were usually: “Whore!” 

That is, until he appeared: A man willing to love her even with such a past.

I emphasise the word “willing”. Willing doesn’t mean able.

How to overcome it inside of you?

She was sitting in my office at 7 o’clock in the morning. He was there at 8.

Without knowing about each other.

She told me that she felt there were doubts in his heart and he stated them himself.

“Petr, my heart says: Love her, you can’t exist without her. But my reason gets angry with me: ‘Where is she now? What if she’s with a customer again? Can you change a fallen person? Can you resist the call of such easy and fast money, once you get involved in it?’– These questions automatically occur to me. Or when I embrace her, I hear this: ‘How many men have had her like this? What if she’s pretending with me, the way she says she pretended with them? What if she wasn’t pretending with them at all?’”

You want to help so much, but how to set it straight in your own head?

People living in constant speculation are like desperados trying to drag themselves out of a swamp. The more they try, the deeper they fall in. And I ask:

How is it possible that we are unable to forgive people for what they want to leave in the past?

Why do we keep dragging up a bad past that IS the past?

Why do we liquidate a relationship that could save the other person and bring us a loyal partner, thankful for “little things” like understanding, trust and support?

What are we playing at when we judge others, although we ourselves are full of mistakes—that our partner doesn’t condemn us for?

As Julie closed the door when her last customer left years ago, she thought her punishment was over. She was wrong. It had just begun. And now it was continuing. The executor of the most painful punishment was paradoxically the one that loved her. And an even greater paradox—he was punishing himself, because even he didn’t want it to be like that.

I tried to answer the following questions:

How do we get rid of ghosts that constantly get into our head from the past?

How do we stop punishing people for debts that were paid a long time ago?

How do we find new hope in a partner?

Today, we’ll look at it through the lens of this story.

Please, continue to the 2nd page.