Once a week I go to a high school and I talk to the children about things that nobody wants to talk to them about; because they are “small things” and “there’s no time for it”. However, I know that the whole is composed of small things and that there has to be time for small things.
I visited a class where there was an unusual girl. She couldn’t speak and she couldn’t hear. She told me of a time when she was riding the metro and through the window of the next carriage a boy was smiling at her. After looking at each other for a moment, he indicated they could call each other. The girl breathed on the window and in the fog of her breath wrote her phone number with her finger.
He soon called her. Repeatedly. However, she didn’t answer any of the calls. Then she wrote to him: “Only texts, please. I’m deaf and dumb.”
He went silent. She was left with two impressions. First, that she had stopped being good enough for him. Second, that she would never be good enough for any boy, ever.
If you know my books, you can guess my answer: “Either he’s a weakling, in which case he won’t get in touch. And that’s good—nobody needs a weakling in their life. Or he’s not a weakling, in which case he’ll deal with any complications. I believe the second one. What about you?”
She wrote to me on Messenger that evening: “We’ve got a date!”
You’re wondering: where he was all week, aren’t you? He was on a ‘learn-sign-language-fast’ course.
What to always remember:
Why is it important to know whether we are dealing with a weakling? Please always bear this image, and the comparison I used on the cover of one of my books, in mind.
Every relationship is like a chain. It can only withstand what its weakest link can withstand. It’s not important at all how strong we are. If we’re with a weakling, the relationship ends where they end. In other words: the limits of a relationship are wherever a weakling’s limits are. It makes no difference whether we’re talking about a partnership, friend, family, or working relationship.
A weakling can be recognised by 11 basic characteristics. I am intentionally not saying “mistakes”, because we all make mistakes. A weakling makes them too. The difference, however, is that they refuse to admit them. They are so weak that they can’t bear their mistakes.
A relationship with a weakling always goes from bad to worse. If a person doesn’t want to admit a mistake, because they can’t bear it, then they can’t correct it. In a relationship with a weakling their mistakes will always remain, or even pile up. Such a relationship is going nowhere. It is desperately one-directional, with the guilt always on our side.
I have devoted a few past posts about health to this topic. It’s a wide-ranging three-part article about how to deal with weaklings and how to change them. Everything will be in the blog, so I’ll just write an introduction to the whole issue here setting out what a weakling refuses to accept. “No, I don’t do that,” they say.
What “don’t they do”?
1. They unnecessarily condemn
Whenever we judge a person, we learn nothing about them. We can laugh at anybody, because everybody is different to us and everybody makes mistakes in life. But if somebody’s actions bother us, the only way we can change the person is through our own example, not by condemning.
Strong people can control themselves—they can be kind, ask about the story behind a person’s wrong behaviour, and listen. Weak people have no idea what generosity, kindness, and being close to someone is. Because of this they will never understand that they are isolating themselves in a relationship and putting distance between themselves and their partner.
2. They scorn people that don’t agree with them
If we were to scorn everybody who has a different opinion to us, we would scorn the whole world. I repeat: we are all different, and we have to accept this.
If somebody’s actions disappoint us, it’s only because we can’t accept the person’s differences—that their way of behaving is at odds with our ideas about how they SHOULD behave. Every disappointment is caused by mistaken expectations.
Strong people can get over other people’s differences. They know that it’s perfectly fine if others don’t agree and it doesn’t mean that they are worse: They’re just different.
As I emphasise, weak people can’t bear an opposite opinion. They regard it as a moral permission to insult, demean, and ridicule others. Life with weak people is very poor, because they can’t appreciate other views, reassess their current lifestyle, or expand their horizons and education. They are closed in the bubble of their pride and get on only with people that agree with them—but from people like that they never learn anything new.
3. They have a tendency to focus on others’ shortcomings
Weak people aren’t able to get stronger, because they don’t think it’s necessary to work on themselves. After all, they’re perfect.
It therefore destroys them all the more when they see more able, more successful, and happier people. How can somebody like that exist, if THEY themselves are perfect?
For the illusion of their perfection to survive, they always look for something bad about others. They’ll always find something because nobody’s perfect. Weak people like this then torpedo, criticise, and exaggerate these shortcomings. When they don’t see any shortcomings in a person, they don’t give up—they’re happy to turn their gaze to the past. And then they criticise others for what they once did, regardless of whether they paid for it a long time ago.
Strong people can accept a person comprehensively—even with all their shortcomings. They are kind to them, don’t stint on the compliments, and when the other person feels bad, they remind them of their strengths, not their weaknesses. This difference in behaviour clearly shows the nature of relationships that strong/weak people are in.
What mistake by a weakling is really amazing?
Please, continue to the 2nd page.