8 ways to understand and get through times when my world falls apart

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I’m worthless.

Things will never get any better.

All the beautiful things are over.

Do you ever have thoughts like these? Do you stand in front of the mirror and ask why a successful person should look like that? Do you think that the more life hurts you, the weaker you are?

Come on! As I’m used to this type of scenario being posed by readers, I’ll offer a different perspective. And it might seem like a paradox. Yet…

People who have succeeded in a certain area have failed many times before that.

People who appreciate happiness today are the ones who have experienced a lot of unhappiness in the past.

People who are wise have made lots of mistakes, from which they have learned.

People who have love for others have sometimes hurt people in the past, have lost people they loved or people who loved them, and so today they appreciate and enjoy their presence.

No one is born successful, happy or wise, but they become that way. Through denial, misery, pain, heartbreak, their own weakness, and all the evil things they could not avert and which brought them to their knees. We shouldn’t be surprised, as:

The more important the people we lose, the more we realise the value of those who have stayed with us.

The more mistakes we make in life, the more lessons we learn.

The more new ways we are forced to seek, the more we will find.

Life is change and change is life. Our results, moods and the circumstances that engulf us are ups and downs. That’s normal. Just like the sea has its high and low tides. Like the day has light and dark. Like nature blossoms and withers. Like a person wakes and falls asleep, is born and dies.

There is a great meaning to this system. Whether we’re up or down, it teaches us something. If we’re down, we learn patience, as we won’t be at rock bottom forever. And if we’re up, it teaches us humility, as we won’t be on the top forever. These alternating emotions, as I write in the new issue on inner health, teach us to understand life. And to gain value which others may use.

Someone who has stopped a hard fall can advise us how we can stop one, too.

Someone who has been hurt by a partner and got over it can explain how to overcome a betrayal.

No one is as valuable to life and work as a person who has learned to cope with failures in life or at work.

I know what you’re feeling now. It seems impossible to cope with the pain, at least now.

However, do you know the hardest thing on any journey? To believe that we’re able to manage that journey.

But we all are. It’s just that no one is a machine that automatically downloads the latest update to make things immediately better. We have to work on upgrading our version of ourselves.

The basic prerequisite for positive change is not to fall victim to negative thoughts. Yes, we might have made a mistake. Perhaps we didn’t live up to our own or someone else’s expectations. We feel defeated, frustrated, helpless. When this first happened to me, one man advised me to write down everything I thought about myself at the time. It was a terrible mess, full of self-hatred. And he took that paper, crossed out all the N’Ts and gave it back to me. I suddenly read not what I CAN’T do, but what I can do

Instead of a list of criticisms, he handed me a list of challenges. That was really my first list of long-term goals (I based my Motivational Diary on a similar concept).

Time didn’t change anything. I changed it – with my different perspective on what happened to me – by changing my original mindset.

Are you asking how to change what’s on your mind now?

Please, continue to the 2nd page.