Why one shouldn’t build a bridge from one side or About the fate of loyal dogs

You are tortured by something the other person is indifferent to.
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A lady with a two-year-old girl came to yesterday’s meeting with my readers. She had a husband. Actually, she didn’t. In brief, he was a non-husband.

He found himself a lover and argued that many relationships function like this – in a free arrangement. He did not want a divorce. After all, why would he if that meant dividing assets? In addition, he could not be sure about the outcome of his relationship with the lover. He kept his options open.

“We will each live our own lives,” he said to her as he carried a massive suitcase away. Yes, he has started living his own life. But what about her? “I love him! I cannot imagine living with anybody else! This is why we married! This is why we had a child! – Our little girl wants her daddy!” However, satisfying even a child’s desire for love requires two people.

The following meeting was with a young man, who was in the opposite situation. I called him Mr. Airy, because he built castles in the air. He projected his own emotions on the other person. He believed that she must feel exactly what he feels. He desperately avoided the fact that she likes him, but she does not love him.

How to change this?

Should I hope that he comes back/she falls in love with me?

Am I naïve to keep waiting?

Both asked me identical questions.

Both were troubled by something their partners cared little about. Both tried to communicate constructively but with no response from their partners. This troubled them even more.

Both also used the same sentence: I am in a relationship, but I am alone.

Why doesn’t the other person come closer?

Both were oriented towards long-term partnerships, but their partners weren’t. Reason would say: That’s ok, let them go. But the heart keeps loving. The heart does not want the other person to leave. It wants him/her back. The heart wants to fight for the partner, not to give up on them.

A person with such heart is willing to do anything. However, no matter what they do, it is never enough for the other person. The other person does not need to invest anything into the relationship because their partner happily does everything for them.

This was a paradox. The others flourished. They always had their choices. However, the two subscribers wasted away. Yes, those who put their whole hearts and maximum effort into the relationship deteriorated. The wholehearted love that they gave was to their detriment. Because it was not reciprocated.

As I have written in the best-selling book 100 Shortest Ways to You , long-term relationships do not last long because they were made that way. Instead, they endure because both partners create the relationship. Both work on their relationship equally and put equal effort into communication and compromises because this is the only way of building a bridge between the two sides that will be equally appreciated by both partners.

Equality

Equality is important. For example, for communication to be equal, one needs to speak actively, while the other listens actively. As soon as one speaks more than the other listens, or one listens more than the other speaks, the bridge crumbles.

If we build a bridge from one side only, it is up to us to cover the entire deep valley. We appreciate the bridge because we know how much effort, worry, self-restraint and sweat it has taken to build it. However, what is the value of this bridge for the other person, the one who does not know its price because everything was done for them?

The comparison of price against value is the most important example of equality. We have to pay for everything that is to be of value for us. The price is what we sacrifice, and the value is what we receive for our sacrifice. If we sacrifice nothing, even an extremely valuable asset means nothing to us in reality.

Although it was a cloudy day yesterday, I went out to Žluté lázně with my two readers. There are table tennis tables near the Vltava river. I asked them both to play with me.

The mother and the young man served over the net and I ignored the ball. They were surprised and served again. I did not play again. I put the bat down, left the table and asked: “If you continue in this way, what will be the outcome of this match?”

They realised that if you don’t have a partner willing to play, there is no game and there is no result. Where rules are ignored, people can never achieve any outcome.

Loyal dog

I often use the term unconditional love in my booksThis is pure love with all of its consequences. To love unconditionally means to love even when the other person does not love or is not in the relationship at all. To love unconditionally means to love without reason, with one’s whole heart. An unconditionally loving person may indeed be alone and the only person who loves in the relationship because the heart never stops believing that it will not be alone.

I once had an unconditionally loving dog. It ran after me everywhere. When I chased it away, the more the dog was devoted. The later I returned home, the happier the dog was to see me. This is the principle of unconditionally loving people. They don’t need much, sometimes nothing.

Unconditionally loving people never stop waiting. When they finally hear from the other people, perhaps just for an occasional sleepover, the loving people rejoice: “I was right, he/she really cares about me!

It is the same as if you stroked an unconditionally loving dog before kicking it. The dog will remember the stroke, not the kick. And it will be ready to run to you whenever you call. And even when it gets kicked, it will be happy that you paid attention to it.

“How do I make the other person build with me?” they both asked with sad eyes like those of a dog.

What approach has proven to be effective with many readers?

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