Your heart hurts. You don’t feel good in a relationship. Even the people around you, that always mean you well, are telling you your partner is bad.
Despite this, you can’t find the courage to split up. At the same time, you can’t imagine why you’re staying. “It’s love,” is your only permissible explanation.
But when we love does our heart hurt so? When we love does it feel bad? When we love are we not so happy that close friends or family would never dream of talking us out of it?
Confusion. That’s a word that suits you down to the ground.
When I wrote the book 100 Shortest Ways to You, I was in Paris. Melchior, my blind French friend, lives there, so I go there every spring.
He has a wonderful relationship with his partner. Naturally. This is because he doesn’t perceive his partner with his eyes, but his heart.
His Jeanette sees just fine. At the start, when they met, that handicapped her. She saw everything, but not Melchior’s soul. She saw only the corporeal outer shell—the blind “handicapped” person—but not what was important—the contents of the case Like judging a book by its cover.
Today she knows how important it is to look with one’s heart. Joining with another heart. Why else would those in love close their eyes when kissing?
When There’s a Bluetooth Outage
Our hearts are like a smartphone. They constantly try to broadcast and pair with another, intimately close smartphone. When the connection suddenly drops, our heart sends out a warning signal. It hurts. It feels the lack of a device to pair with. Not ANY device, but the ONLY POSSIBLE device—the one it knows intimately.
The worse the response it gets, the more desperately and intensively it broadcasts, and the more it hurts. It is confused. It cannot explain where the (formerly so strong) signal has gone.
At that moment our heart is not interested in ANY OTHER device. It wants a specific one. And it is devastated, in particular when it learns that that specific heart has simply disconnected.
At that moment, it looks for an internal error. “What did I do wrong?” It worries. “What should I do better?” And, in particular: “Do I still have a chance?”
When Your Eyes Betray You
If you have read my book 100 Shortest Ways to You, you know that I deliberately wrote it in such a manner that it could not be read simply with the eyes. Only with the heart.
It’s a book written at a different level. Why? Not everything that is important is visible. Evil is not visible. But you can feel it. We usually can’t see infidelity, but we can sense it. Despite this, it hurts hellishly. The same is true for lies, insincerity, manipulation, fraud… We expose ourselves to this for an unnecessarily long time because we trust our eyes—an enchanting smile, ironed clothing, scent in hair. How could somebody like that hurt us?
It has been proved that people who care for their appearance are perceived as more trustworthy. The way the brain works is that when the eyes communicate one quality of a person (he looks good), they automatically look for another quality. Yes, a person who looks good is, according to our mind, much more likely to be fair, successful and rich.
That’s why, when we encounter each other at personal meetings, I always warn that I will say unpleasant sentences, such as, “the truth is not always beautiful” and, “THE TRUTH IS NOT ALWAYS TRUTHFUL”.
The eyes are the first thing we judge with. The eyes convey the first impression. If we go to a football stadium and the person sitting behind us has the same shirt as we do, we automatically think he’s with us. It doesn’t occur to us that he could pull out a knife and wound us from behind. HE CAN’T do that, can he?
And if he attacks us, we have the cheek to shout out that he’s a traitor—but he never betrayed us, he was never our ally. It was only our eyes that betrayed us. Let’s use them like an auxiliary organ, but never as the main one. Never more than the heart.
My friend Melchior is happy. In the Christmas Special I describe lots of remarkable stories with him that get readers to think differently. Melchior is happy primarily because he is guided by his heart. His sight cannot deceive him. His heart is a radar, akin to that of bats.
Have you ever had the strange feeling (with your heart) that your partner was deceiving you, but you couldn’t find any evidence (with your eyes)?
Did the truth come out after a time, causing your heart to ache, even though it had the right suspicion a long time ago?
Think about why it hurts so much at such a moment.
I know why: because it’s crying more than you. It’s crying for its weak voice. So, whenever we have doubts about something, let’s seek out some solitude. A little peace, where we can listen to our heart and take its contribution into account, even though the disquiet it may be reacting to is incomprehensible to the other senses.
Then perhaps it’ll be far easier to “see” that somebody else is killing not only our time. But also our hope, faith, life.
In accordance with the warning signs, can we feel with our heart what the eyes do not see?
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