Why hungry heart swallows a lie and why going to the unknown is always better than staying at a place where there is nothing.

"You know, I forgot to tell you..."
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She has been alone, I’m sorry, with children, for years. The longer she was alone, I’m sorry, with children, the mangier she felt. And then… “Finally!” she exclaimed with joy.

Because finally she had a counterpart that looked like a soulmate.

After such a time, someone said “I love you“, and even “I will marry you“, and “I accept your children“.

He’s the one! – that was her belief. Over the past year, she had invested all her hopes, feelings, and energies into him. And then…

The brain knows it cannot be true. “Why would he want exactly me, exactly us? But when you are alone, you will just swallow a lie, and I was glad to do so.” She was speaking and no one around understood her. Because a person who follows only the heart seems to have no brains. Just like those who follow only the brain seem to have no heart.

She found he lied to her; that she was good for him just because he was in need. But… it was as if she was sitting on a roller coaster. Every new acquaintance triggered a spinning of her head and a steep elevation to the heights. And then… a steep fall. And then again, with a new man.

“What am I doing wrong? How to stop the roller coaster? Why don’t I listen to my brains at all? Why don’t I see the facts at all? Why do I fall for nice words at every beginning, when I know that no one needs a woman with children?” She rested her head in the palms of her hands.

I was silent, because I wanted to know her real problem. And really! “Why are you silent? I don’t like the silence – and all the while, time is running away…” That was it. Every day she saw a one-day-older person in the mirror. She felt her chance was another day shorter.

Because You love him…

Yes, it was a roller coaster. When she saw him, she was full of happiness and hope that this time he would stay. And when he left again, she was full of helplessness and despair. From wall to wall – it also influenced the children. In order for children to be happy, they need happy moms.

The thought that he would never return again was painful for her. But the thought that the man who returns is someone who doesn’t mean it seriously was also painful for her. “You know that I do,” he cooed on each visit and dragged her into the bedroom and when he dressed his shirt again, he shrugged, “You know, it’s not that easy… I have to go.”

The thought that maybe there wouldn’t be anyone else if she were to lose him was painful for her. And if it was not possible to trust him, what if it is not possible to trust anybody else? She was afraid – actually of everything; of what he would or wouldn’t do next… of what she would or wouldn’t be able to do herself… She was afraid of the things that were happening, of things that would happen and also of the things that perhaps would never happen. Most of all, she was afraid of – the unknown. So she stayed in this pseudo-relationship that was like a roller coaster. Where she knew that there were lies and broken expectations, but where there was always at least one reason to stay; even if it was a hope for the children, a moment of tenderness, an SMS, whenever he remembered because his body missed her.

Is it possible to find a way to such a person? To convince such a person that we are willing to sacrifice ourselves for him, give him everything? And if not, why should we go through such an experience?

“You will not meet a strong man with an easy past.”

In the book called The 100 Shortest Ways to You I state why we should follow the heart but take the brains with us on the way. If you allow me, I will give you an example of my son, who had his 1st birthday yesterday. If we play hide and seek together, he closes his eyes. He thinks that he can’t be seen this way. Children do it. But we are no longer children. Remember that we can close our eyes before the things we don’t want to see, but we will not change the facts this way.

In the following sentences I will address mainly the brain. I want it to understand the heart on which it gives up. Then it will not press the heart and it will let it reconcile with the facts – even though more slowly, because it has its feelings.

How is it done?

Please, continue to the 2nd page