9 reasons to stop living by the expectations of others

Why do we need to live by others?Once realising we have done so, we know we have wasted our own time.
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My friend, a general manager of a great company, collapsed. Cerebral haemorrhage. According to doctors, he wasn’t able to bear the pressure of his position.

The pressure on the owner to change his staff. The pressure of his employees wanting to change the conditions under which they work. The pressure from his family to change his diary and devote more time to rest. A grain between millstones feels it somehow. Crushed.

”Petr, I would like to live according to myself and not according to others,” he confided to me a week ago. Today, he is in the intensive care unit.

To live by yourself? He he! I will tell you something.

From childhood, I wanted to live by myself. But I had to obey my parents. As long as I’m not an adult, I have to grow wiser. OK, so I was looking forward to my eighteenth birthday.

But then I heard I have to go to university (because of my parents: “Repay us how we raised you”) and at work, I have to do what is expected of me again. “In order to do what you want at work, without having to obey anyone, you have to sit very high!” the boss told me. So I worked hard. When I reached the highest position possible in my branch, only the owner was above me. No, I didn’t improve my position. Not only did I have to obey the owner and do what was expected of me, I was responsible for all the people below me. It was pressure – and for what?

I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. I had anxiety. Today, I don’t marvel at my body. Because I completely forgot what I needed. I came to believe it didn’t matter. I ignored myself. Every day, I just got up with a question: “So, what is expected of me, today?”

Faugh, I don’t want it anymore.

To prevent our happiness being dependent on other people’s moods, our success relying on other people’s opinions and subjecting ourselves to unnecessary pressure, I dedicate this topic in many pages of my book 250 Laws of Love. I deal with how to handle it in our heads, when we are guided to obey from childhood. Information that everyone should know.

These are my 9 reasons.

1. We have no duty to live by others

First of all, let’s solve the legislative framework. By a question for a lawyer, I verify that I don’t have any contract with my life under which it would give me what I expect of it. Neither do we have a similar contract with anyone else.

We can do what we care about. What we consider right. We should not do things just because someone else expects us to do them.

For a moment, I objected that life didn’t want to sign such a contract with me. That everything does not happen the way we plan. Later, I found out that it was good. The unexpected is always better than expected, such as unplanned celebrations are more unforgettable than planned ones.

2. We do not need someone to hold our hand every step

Many people live by others in a conjecture that they will advise, help, or rescue them. Others can go by our side, but they never go in our footsteps, in our shoes. Whether we are surrounded by a bigger knot, we are still going alone. And, once again, this is good.

To learn to go alone means to be able to be independent. They go together. Not everyone who starts with us in life also reaches the finish with us. There is no point collapsing due to someone leaving us (in terms of opinion or fundamentally), because everyone has the free right to do so. Neither do we need someone’s consent to grow. We can make mistakes ourselves. And we can learn from them too – even without the useless pressure of a third person.

Who knows us the best? So, who do we let manage us?

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