5 steps to overcoming a partner’s betrayal that changed your whole future

Betrayal is a useful life filter. It’s a person telling you that you can no longer count on them.
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Whenever I have time, I like to meet the readers of my magazines or books. Right now there are six and half thousand of them waiting in line. Each reader has a unique need, story or problem.

„I can neither leave nor stay,“ Ashley told me. She was holding four plane tickets in her hands and watching small twin boys, barely able to balance on their feet. The fourth flight ticket was an extra. The husband would not be coming to the airport.

He had promised his mistress that he would tell his wife by the end of June. He didn´t. And so the mistress told the wife on the evening before their departure.

I am scared of these situations. I will never forget another case, where a mistress shocked a wife by meeting her personally – the wife had been very confident about her perfect relationship. The wife broke down, got drunk and killed hers and her husband´s child in revenge. It was a one-second black out that she has been paying for ever since. It is not about the prison, it is about the hell in her head:

What have I done to an innocent child?

Why does nobody understand me? (she lost all of her friends, including her own parents who cursed her).

What did I gain from my actions? (the husband, supported by her family, settled down in a new house)

A story of an ice cube

How do I organize all this in my head? How do I explain it to the kids, who still don´t know anything about it? And how do I get on well with a person who destroyed our whole future? – Ashley was asking.

In the airport café I asked for a water with ice. I put the ice cube in Ashley´s hand and asked her to close it – tight, so that the cube could not „leave“; to put all her energy into the ice cube.

Then, Ashley opened her hand. The ice cube was gone. Only the cold remained. Cold from such warmth. What a paradox!

Nature can work like that – when you hold an ice cube or a snowflake tightly, it disappears.

It is not fair! Why does life do this to us? Why do we have to get used to yet another change? Why do we have to hear our friends say: „It will be OK, don´t worry“ over and over again. Why do we have to accept as fact things that we don´t even understand?

And how can we begin to understand all the bad things that we have overcome and that have taken so much energy from us? What´s more, how can we admit that not only will it be good – it already is?

The questions we examined can also be found in my book 250 Laws of Love aimed at establishing a family.

How to accept things

Even though her twins couldn´t talk, they probably understood. When Ashley began to cry, the kids lovingly hugged her and warmed her up. Maybe to make the inner coldness disappear; so that all of the tears dripped from her eyes as water does from an ice cube – to make her feel better.

It seemed impossible to Ashley that things would be better one day. If her whole heart belonged to someone else and he left, she logically felt empty. She had to find something else to fill the emptiness, discover herself once again, fulfill her heart.

„It is very hard.“, she said and I knew that this is the hardest phase. If a person, who you cannot rely on leaves, it is definitely not as hard as when the same person wants to come back later. That is the problem. That is the dilemma.

Ashley couldn´t influence this situation, it was simply presented to her. Her only task was to accept the fact. It is never easy. But it is necessary; just as one must stop feeling sorry for the snowflakes that have melted in your hands and realize that there are many more falling from the sky – it is simply not the right time to catch them yet.

How does one positively overcome a betrayal and, most importantly, start building a much better life, free from betrayal.

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