Puller and Backpedal, or Why the one who pulls you out of hell backpedals later

Finally! Such a change in your life! The perfect replacement. This one will be my partner!
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Friday is the day for my Meetings with readers. The story I will tell you today can be experienced by everyone who has a long-term relationship. The story of the journey from hell to heaven and from heaven to hell.

Phase 1: Mr Alienated

Her marriage changed into a stereotype, automatism and habit after many years. If you take something for granted, you don’t have to strive for it. “My husband stopped appreciating me, showing me love, and so he also ceased to be attractive to me. We became alienated – both of us.”

Phase 2: Mr Puller

Then she met Mr Puller. He PULLED her out of a dysfunctional relationship by PULLING out his strengths. He gave the woman exactly what she was missing. He was attentive, loving, attractive. The decision made by her heart and her reason was unanimous: “Leave your husband for Puller, and you will be happy.”

But Puller didn’t want that. He didn’t care for a serious relationship. Why should he be the king for only one woman if every day he can hear praise from several sides? Why should he cease to have a choice if he can choose a different one each night, and each of them will be excited about him, Puller? Why should he become Mr Taken-For-Granted, Mr Boring and Mr Unattractive if he is, and can be, the king for many years?

Phase 3: Mr Backpedal

“I don’t want this,” said the man who turned from Puller into Backpedal. “But we can meet every other day for intimacies!”

The woman found herself in a terrible gap between two men – her husband and Backpedal. It was a paradox. It was her husband who rushed to give her a hand. In the meantime, when he was all alone in his everyday worries, he realized what he had lost with his wife. He appreciated her again, showing her love, and the more she moved away, the more attractive she became to him … But he didn’t become attractive to her.

She refused his helping hand. She had Puller wedged in her heart, asking herself: Why? Why did he let such feelings emerge in me only to leave me? Why didn’t he say before that he wasn’t interested in anything serious, yet he pretended to be a life saver? Why did he cause me even more pain than my apathetic husband? And mainly: How do I get rid of that tremendous love for him?

“You know,” she grinned on the terrace below a dark, gloomy sky. “You wrote the book 100 Shortest Ways to You, but I would need 100 Shortest Ways FROM YOU.”

I smiled and read a part that was just about her, because the book is in fact also about the shortest way to yourself. And that was what she needed – to realize what was really important to her at that moment.

Double boredom. “When will it come? When is something going to happen in our life?”

On my journeys, I encounter many relationships that only fade due to stereotype. As the partners become bored, they look around and feel that everyone around them is more colorful, more interesting, more attractive, while they have already shared and experienced everything with their counterpart.

Puller enables them to experience heaven again. They no longer want to lose it! How do I convince him? Does it make sense to wait for Backpedal to change his mind? Does he not realize what he has brought us to? Is this the way it will end?

What is my recommendation? What 5 steps do you have to take?

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