“Every decision is a rejection of something.”
To stay or to leave?
It is interesting that we have usually settled this dilemma in our head. We know what is hurting us, what is killing us, but we don’t do anything to change the situation. Why?
I will give you two recent examples.
A man did not manage to make the living for his family. He was employed but received minimum wage. The unhappy family did not know how to tell their father that increasingly high prices meant that he simply HAD TO find new employment.
He knew it but he could not. He did not quit the job that was destroying him. When he felt especially weak, he would tell his family that elsewhere it might be even worse; and thus, it wasn’t worth searching for anything else. We call this controlled liquidation.
A woman was abused by her partner. As she was willing to work, he stopped working. He let her sustain him. Because, with no work to go to, he was bored, he started gambling. As he needed more money than she gave him, he stole from her; he sold furniture and jewellery. He brought her to the verge of bankruptcy. But – she loved him. To pass time, he started womanizing and did not even hide his unfaithfulness. But – she loved him. Then he stopped returning home completely. But – she still loved him. He would visit her on purpose; promise her that he would change; that he just needed time. And she believed him. Because – she loved him.
Why doesn’t a person cut off something that does not work? Why don’t we make a change, when it is so vitally needed? What catastrophe has to befall us before there is no alternative left other than for us to say ENOUGH?
Imagine a boat, casting an anchor in a nice place. The fact is that at first sight, nearly every place looks nice; because it is new. And so, the boat needs to know not only how to cast the anchor at the right time but also how to pull it up from the water. Otherwise, it will never leave the place that has proven to be not so nice. The boat starts to become dependent on that place. But it cannot escape from the storm and huge waves that pull it under the water because it is anchored. It is a sad paradox that the boat itself can be the author of its own destruction.
In the case of such a boat, it does not matter what interesting opportunities appear; if it is not able to get rid of the anchor once and for all, it cannot expect any change for the better. The reason is that changes do not simply happen. Changes are made.
Have you experienced anything like this? Have you ever needed to grasp something new but been afraid go of the old? Do you believe that “it will happen somehow” and if not, there is enough time for a change? Well, there isn’t. Every minute that passes, there is one less minute for a change.
The above examples have a common denominator. The man in example 1 saw the problem as being caused by someone else – his employer did not pay him enough. The woman in example 2 also felt that the problem was caused by someone else – her partner did not honour her. But both were wrong. And only after they had realized the error could they make a change. Luckily the cause of their suffering was not external, but within them. Luckily. Why do I write “luckily” in connection with the suffering? Because anytime the cause of the suffering is within us, we are able to eliminate it; without depending on anybody else.
Are you wondering where the problems lay in those people? The man freely entered into his employment contract; hence he approved his salary. It was his choice. With this decision, he rejected any better conditions that he could have ensured for his family. And the woman freely continued in the harmful relationship with the man thus rejecting the chance of a better life with somebody else.
Remember, therefore: Every decision is a rejection of something. To accept the new means to abandon the old, in the same way as holding on to the old means renouncing anything new. A boat anchored in the wrong place is unable to leave. And saying to yourself that it would be the same in a different place is nonsense. Indeed, it might be the same with a different employer or partner, but there is that conditional. Might. Nobody makes us accept an employer or partner that does not suit us. On the contrary, thanks to bad experiences a person develops a more sensitive radar to discern unsuitable employers or partners sooner next time – when listening to sweet promises and not only after opening eyes to reality.
Therefore, what do we need to do when we feel our anchor has become stuck? Why are all of us able to cut off such anchors?
1st insight: Do you know what the word experience means in English?
Please, continue to the 2nd page