They are like witches. They say a word by which they bewitch you, make you senseless. You feel urged to respond, defend yourself – that is the point. In the defensive, submissive position, into which they manoeuvre you suddenly.
Manipulators, about which I also wrote in my books, are in all kinds of relationships. They relish in them – like mould in a wet environment, frequently wetted by tears.
Hence the mould does not leave such pleasant environment; it is suitable for it. It is “never the bad one”, it is “only the result” of what you produce by “your mistakes, your badness”.
And you cannot leave. Somewhere inside you keep hoping it will get better, that you “will mend yourself”. But it will never happen because, in reality, you do not make any mistakes, any wrongs.
It is the illusion of the manipulator, by which they get you to the subordinate or even servant position; by which they gradually control your whole personality, as if the mould spreads across all the walls and the ceiling.
The danger of any type of the cohabitation with a manipulator (in partnership, family, friendship or work) consists especially in the fact that the manipulator always has only temporary pretences but they leave permanent consequences in you. The feelings that “you are not enough”, that “he is your saviour”, that “you are a helpless person, nearly insane, dependent on others”. You become the person directly dependent on the opinions and valuations of others, without your own awareness, self-confidence, self-assurance and feeling of any positive value.
That is how the victims of a manipulator look like and there is an overwhelming amount of them who open their hearts to me. My instruction in all such cases: You have to respond because You are the one who shall suffer; not the other one who says how much they suffer in the relationship with you.
How to respond? And how to discern a manipulator actually?
I will describe 5 most frequent sentences, which can drive a person crazy, for you. The reason is that the manipulators use them. I will also specify one horrible case, which is not, unfortunately, exceptional.
1. “You did not understand what I have said.”
That is the response of a manipulator at the moment when you catch them doing something that is absolutely contradictory to what they say.
The manipulator always defends in a way that does not look like a defence at all. They turn the situation against you, to create doubts in your head.
What if he is not the bad one but it is me? What if I accuse him unjustly? On the contrary, shouldn´t I apologize to him and ask for forgiveness?
The manipulator is a master in the transfer of negative emotions. It is like a glass wall that is not only turning back any rebuke of yours but, in addition to that, you can see yourself in that glass – yes, by your conduct “it is demonstrated that you are the bad one”.
By transferring the negative emotion and shifting blame, the manipulator causes chaos in the head of the other one. Your ability to resist the manipulator at that very moment is directly dependent on the fact that contrary to their wish, you will not feel that chaos in your head but, quite the opposite – it will fully persuade you that you face a manipulator and your estimate was correct.
What other sentences do you need to be beware of?
Please, continue to the 2nd page.