There is an old saying about not judging someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, and it still rings true today. I’ve always thought it would be wonderful if people could see the world through each other’s eyes, so they could see, hear, think and feel exactly as someone else does, if only for a little while.
How much misunderstanding could we clear up by simply swapping heads for the day? How much easier would it be for us men to discover how to avoid losing a woman?
The First Class.cz readership is 54% male. I’ve noticed that men confide in me in person much more than women do, but they add public comments far less often. I can only assume that some men feel too ashamed to show any vulnerability in public. They’d rather put on a brave face, but these men need help, even if they don’t like to show it.
Perhaps the outward appearance of strength is important to them, and any emotional concerns need to be kept private and explored discreetly. Despite the façade they are discontented within and quietly looking for their own roads to happiness.
I’ve learned from listening to them that some men believe that whatever bad things they do are excusable because of what they think of as their innate nature, the fact that they’re men. I remember in the school yard how fights would break out, but then soon after the adversaries would often become friends, sometimes even before the bruises had gone away. Perhaps the kind of jostling for supremacy that typifies boyhood means that fighting to be top dog as men is viewed as innate and necessary and is therefore forgivable.
This rough and tumble approach to others might work amongst some members of the male ‘tribe’ but it doesn’t, and shouldn’t in relationships. Females are more used to competing for men, not with them.
Women often feel disposed to offer second chances, to excuse and overlook behaviour that they convince themselves will change in time, but there are limits to their patience. In my book 250 Laws of Love I wrote that when that limit is reached then all concern, consideration and care will have been exhausted and that will be the end. Once that door has been shut it will always stay shut.
Where there is nothing
Arguments between men and women can be healthy, they may even be necessary, but only as long as they are conducted in a healthy way, and since I’ve always tried to do that I’ve never been afraid of the strong emotions that rise up in the heat of an argument with a woman I’m with.
The only thing I’ve ever feared was the tell-tale moment when I stopped being important enough to argue with. The silence then is deafening, because you realise that if you’re not worth the trouble it means you’re not worth the time. Your days are numbered.
This is the point when she stops striving for your attention, fighting for you, replying to your messages, making conversation, being jealous, flirting with others just to make you jealous, snooping on you (it’s wrong but at least it tells you that she cares), being interested about whether you are interested in her, testing whether you love her.
The reason she stops doing all of this is that she finds out that she deserves someone better. But when she finally goes the worst will still be yet to come. That end is only the beginning of your worries.
You will start missing both her and her care, along with her love. You will lose her forever, like a dandelion seed blown away by an impetuous breath.
Please appreciate her before it’s too late. If you love your partner, let her know it before you lose her. She needs to hear it as much as you need to say it.
Please, continue to the 2nd page.