10 scars, after which I am leaving

You have a problem. The more you think about it, the more you think that there is nothing else. And that none else surely goes through anything like that... Oh, what an error!
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I want to have a happy life, not an unhappy one.

I can bear wounds, but I want them to be healed. Not to be renewed again and again.

That is why I have, in every relationship, be that partnership or friendship, be that a personal or working one, limits – boundaries of my pain threshold. All of us have them, often according to what our parents used to tolerate and what we then went through in our adult lives and what hurt us so badly that we refuse to bear it and repeat it again.

When I meet with my readers, the most frequent question is: What would you do in my place? It is a needless question because we all have our own pain threshold and what is hurting me does not necessarily hurt you and vice versa. But it is fair to answer.

How I think

How do my signs that there is time to leave look like? Where is my limit when I still keep working on the relationship and when do I resign? How many hits can I withstand?

I count the scars. Those wounds on the heart that cannot be smoothed out anymore, and I am glad for it because they remind me forever of what I have managed to overcome. I have found out the heart can withstand nine scars but not ten. With the tenth one, I know I am leaving.

It does not apply to love only even though I will describe it using the example of it. Will you withstand the same?

Change yourself according to what I want. I will like you more.

1st scar: The partner asks me to be someone I am not

I am sorry, I am not goods from the Alza e-shop to replace me piece for piece. I am what I am and if somebody dislikes it, sorry, in the complaints department of my maternity hospital nobody has ever answered the phone.

No, I cannot be somebody else. I have only two options. Either I will be bothered about it or I will put up with it. As a young bull-calf, I was bothered about it, I wanted to please many – and I was still inadequate for some of them, not fully like they imagined me. I ceased to be me, I broke my innermost Me into a million pieces, and then I was unable to put the scattered puzzle in me together for a long time.

Ever since I do know that it is easier to fill the empty place by my side, where my partner used to be, than the empty place within me, where I used to be.

2nd scar: The partner´s deeds to not correspond to their words

If we want to manage a long-term march, we have to duly alternate the right leg and the left leg. Left forward, right forward. For a toddler, it looks complicated but mature people do it automatically, that is how simple it is.

If we want to build a long-term relationship, we need the same simplicity in approaching each other. The simplicity is: Say what you think and do what you say. Everything else is too complicated for me.

I tell everyone: I am a primitive person. I cannot understand people who think something else, say something else and even do something else.

In the relationship, I have learnt it up to such simplicity that I only observe what the partner does. As it is, after all, the end of the procedure I think – I say – I do. What they do shall correspond to what they actually think.

Does she cheat on me? Does he hurt me? Does she lie to me? Thank you for such information through their deeds. At least I know what they REALLY think.

What was easier even for Don Quixote than for us?

What do we often force ourselves to do even if it is not virtually possible?

Please, continue to the 2nd page.