9 steps on from burned bridges, or how “Please come back,” becomes “please stay gone.”

- Ad -

The first 3 steps: How to approach the situation when someone leaves us without explanation

The wounded part of us screams that we must get revenge, dispense justice and expose treachery; and so what if we end up being as unhinged as them along the way? Then despair advises caution and tempts us to slump and do nothing.

It’s just too bad that in the argument between anger and despair you cannot hear the heart over all that noise because the heart always quietly offers the better answer: accept and move on.

1st step: For each person, we imagine a story

And in that story, there is usually a reason why that person behaves the way they do.

Think about it and try to respect the right of everyone to make their own decisions, no matter how monstrous they may seem.

In this case, letting her leave when she was so unreliable was the best thing he could have done for himself.

2nd step: Don’t judge others

We have no idea what people go through inside themselves, we can only ever guess. What sleeps in their genes, what they’ve kept alive from their past, and what they cope with now are theirs and theirs alone. We do not have any idea about what hidden drives push them to behave as they do, what things they feel compelled to seek out or avoid out of fear and desire.

That’s not to absolve them of all responsibility because we all have choices, every waking moment. We can always choose how to treat people. Judge their actions by all means, but do so with the understanding that forces within them and beyond your knowledge may have shaped each bad choice that they made. (And hope that others will extend that courtesy to you!)

3rd step: Don’t seek revenge

Revenge often begets revenge. There has never been such a thing as a happy feud. Ask anyone who has seen a conflict that spans generations going back and forth, back and forth, attack and counter-attack exchanged like batons in a relay race.

Even if you exact revenge and hear nothing more, you will still suffer. If you’ve ever delighted in inflicting cruelty, even justly deserved cruelty, then it will change you, and not for the good.

Reject revenge and save yourself from lasting pain.

Through the 3 steps: where to find the strength

A human is like a dynamo. When standing still, there is no energy. As soon as it moves, it starts to produce energy.

Going the wrong way produces negative energy, going the right way produces positive energy.

The kind of energy you give out is the kind of energy they get back. Others will return what you send out, so if everyone you meet frowns at you, the first place to look is yourself. We reap what we sow, as the old saying goes, so always give out what you wish to get back.

4th step: Let’s make people around us happy

Each person has an average of five close friends or acquaintances. If we infect them with our negativity then sooner or later we will feel it being returned. Make someone happy by looking for happiness everywhere.

The abandoned man can look at his children as burdensthat he should not have been saddled with, or as fellow travellers who we take strength from, give strength to and glories in for their uniqueness.

Pouring misery into any child is as good as taking revenge on the future, because they will seed it with your despair. Better to fill them with happiness and let that go viral.

5th step: Be an example

Yesterday he was just a dad, today, he is a king for his three daughters.

That’s how it goes in life. Women know it only too well. If a man treats his partner like a princess, she turns into a queen before his eyes.

Children learn from what they see as much as from what they hear, so be very careful what you show them. Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even when they treat you badly. Rise above their low standards, and show everyone around how it should be done.

6th step: Invest

So many times he hit rock bottom and felt like he couldn’t go on.

He works in IT. After leaving work, still the children and household to take care of. When the girls made a mess, he could have said: “Your mother doesn’t want to see you because you are naughty!” But he never did.

Today, the girls appreciate it. He was the only one who stood by them when they felt betrayed, when even children at school told them, “If she left then there must be something wrong with you.”

The task of keeping the girls balanced and positive over years seemed huge, but he never stood back and looked at it that way. You climb a mountain one small step at a time.

How do you approach the one who left, after time has passed?

How do You approach them when they need help?

What are those experiences really good for?

Please, continue to the 3rd page.